We just had one of the best weeks ever. Lots of family time. Lots of adventures in the sunshine. Celebrating an anniversary and having really amazing conversations. Conversations that made me think, wow, maybe we are actually done with the porn stuff... maybe even forever! I seriously think I woke up happier than I've EVER been.
Then Mr. Smith did something really dumb. It wasn't anything to do with porn or sex. There are basically 3 difficult things in my marriage. 1 is porn. Mr. Smith's decision behind my back involved the other 2.
When I found out, it was surprisingly similar to finding out my husband had been spending hours and hours watching porn. I felt physically ill. I cried. I wanted to kick him in the balls and punch his face and run away. It hurt sooooo badly. It feels soooo personal. I wanted to stay home from church and just eat chocolate and cry. (I hope I'm getting lots of points for pulling myself together and going to church and staying there all 3 hours. It was painful)
I'm trying really hard to be loving and choose to be happy and deal with this instead of fall into depression and anger. I'm not very successful yet.
He is apologizing and I just want to throw up.
The hardest part is I saw a text message that tells me he hasn't told me the whole truth. And I was hoping he would at some point today man up. Nope.
This feels almost exactly like porn.
Today sucks.
You get 1000 points for going to church and staying all three hours. I know that pain. I'm so sorry things are hard right now :( So not fair. Porn should give us a "get out of trials free" card.
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