My baby started crawling last month and now she is trying to walk. She leaves my lap to explore everything in the room. Every few minutes she comes back to me and buries her head in my chest for a snuggle, then goes off to conquer another corner of the room. She gets a little further and stays away a little longer each time. Today it felt like I was looking into a mirror.
I've been trying to find myself again, pardon the cliche. Ever since I realized I have almost completely lost myself while trying to survive my marriage, I work daily to either rediscover or recreate Mrs. Smith.
I go a little further each week, become a little more vulnerable to my family and others who are earning my trust (thank you Brene Brown!). I frequently run back to Mr. Smith for a snuggle, to make sure he still loves me and is proud of me. I am happy to report he is falling in love with me deeper each time.
I follow promptings that require me to be brave. Scary things like sharing my struggles on instagram. Talking about porn on facebook. Sharing very personal things with my Sunday School class. I run back to Heavenly Father and ask, "That was right, wasn't it? You still love me, right?" And He always responds with His love. I see His hand in my life through the trials and the blessings.
I really like this rising from the ashes stuff.
Gotta go-
Loves.
This is inspiring. THANK YOU. I think I needed to read that deeper love is still available in marriage. I'm struggling with that a little bit right now, rightly so. I keep having this fear that I will never love him the same again.
ReplyDeleteYou rock.