Mr. Smith has been sober for a year now. There have been many many ups and downs along the road. I can hardly believe where we are now. This past summer I felt like we finally got a honeymoon phase. I realized a few days ago that we had made love and I didn't think about pornography for a second until about an hour later. The very thought of making love used to repulse me, and pornography addiction was constantly on my mind. I am madly in love with this man, more than ever each day.
There is still work to be done. I still have bad days. I still experience triggers that send me back to those days of screaming in agony on the floor. I still wonder what will happen after we die. I still get worried that our eternal marriage isn't legit. I am still insecure too much of the time. I still wonder what he might be hiding from me. I probably will always have lingering effects. But I'm working on it. :)
I hope one day we will be able to share our story in public and say, "Look, recovery is possible!" and show this sad world a success story.
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